


Needed comfort...

by Amelin_Nisa_Tales



Series: Torchwood. Series 2 [1]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Date, M/M, Memories of the Year That Never Was, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-25 23:15:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12046329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amelin_Nisa_Tales/pseuds/Amelin_Nisa_Tales
Summary: It's their first date and Ianto wants to know what happened with Jack. The question is, how to cope with what he'd found out?





	1. Date

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! Another of my Tales of Alternative Torchwood Universe. The first date and aftermath...
> 
> Warning: English is not my native language and there might be mistakes in spelling or some overall grammatical errors. Sorry about that! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood or any of its characters

When Jack asked him out, Ianto was surprised, because Captain Jack Harkness never did dates. They’ve been together for almost a year, before he disappeared, but never called themselves a couple, Jack once said that he hated to put the labels on their relationship. Yes, they sometimes had lunches in restaurants together, or had a take out at Ianto’s place, cuddling on the sofa and watching a movie, but none of it was a date. Also, the way that Jack asked him out was different from anything he heard from Jack. He was gentle and soft before, but never before Ianto saw that kind of uncertainty and shyness from his Captain.

Something has changed Jack, and knowing him well enough after all the time they’ve spent together and being able to read his true feelings and emotions under the mask of a leader, Ianto was certain, that whatever happened with Jack during his trip with his Doctor, wasn’t good. There were hunted shadows lurking in the depth of those blue – grey eyes that looked much older than before he left. Since Jack was back, Ianto had a close eye on him and could see all those emotions that would suddenly appear in his eyes and then being masterly hidden deep behind the mask of a flirty Torchwood Captain. Glimmers of pain, loss, terror, agony, desperation and a myriad more. ‘I’ll find out what caused it’ he vowed to himself.

He wanted to be angry with Jack, for leaving him without a word after kissing him in front of everyone. But seeing his lover (or was it an ex-lover?) in such distress, he couldn’t make himself to feel that way. He was hurt, deeply, but not angry. After all, Jack shared a story about the Doctor, that he waited for him to ask him what made him unable to die. Ianto understood that he had to do it, knew that he will leave with Doctor, but he always hoped that he’ll be back to him. His wish came true, Jack came back. But he wasn’t the same and Ianto knew only one person to blame for that, the Doctor. When Owen asked him, did his Doctor fix him, he brushed him away with the joking remark, but Ianto saw the flicker of hurt mixed with anger and betrayal, hidden momentarily under the smile. He knew that look, he saw it in Jack’s eyes the day of the Lisa incident and recognised it instantly. Whatever Doctor told him, it hurt Jack. Ianto felt anger rising within him on the Time Lord at the thought that he hurt his lover in some way. Tonight, Ianto is going to find out what happened.

Jack told him that he will pick him up at 7:30, so Ianto still had 30 minutes to get ready when he came home. He took a quick shower, shaved and dressed up in black jeans with casually buttoned dark red dress shirt. At 7:30 sharp he heard a knock on the door. His heart rate accelerated in anticipation and nervousness about the evening with Jack. He hasn’t been on the date since Lisa and had no idea how it will go, especially with someone like Jack Harkness. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door. Jack was smiling shyly, but when he looked at Ianto’s outfit, his eyes twinkled with desire and appreciation. Young man knew that look as well. It told him that Jack already was picturing him without it, but, just for a second before the smile returned, a scared and pained expression crossed handsome features and Jack shuddered. Choosing to ignore that look, Ianto smiled at him warmly and grabbed his coat, and, locking the door, followed Jack.

-You look great in those jeans, and red is definitely your colour – Jack complemented with a smile, when they were on the way to the car. Young Welshman blushed and smiled in response.

-Yes, I think it is, indeed, my colour. – Jack always liked when he wore red and the choice of the shirt today wasn’t at all random. Not mentioning the effect of him wearing jeans had on his lover… Jack himself was dressed in his usual dress pants and dark blue dress shirt, with two upper buttons loose, revealing the undershirt, braces and of course his RAF greatcoat.

They had a light chat as Jack drove them through Cardiff. He parked near the posh- looking Italian restaurant. They entered it and were lead to their reserved table for two. They chatted about this and that as they ate and drank wine, well, Ianto drank wine, as Jack switched to water after one glass of wine. When dessert was served, Ianto decided to start asking Jack questions.

-Jack… can I ask you a question? – he started hesitantly. For a moment he saw fear in those silvery- blue eyes, but it morphed in a weak smile

-Sure, go ahead… - Jack’s voice was soft

-What did Doctor say to you? – he regretted his words as soon as they escaped his lips, as hurt and a cornered look shot through old eyes. - I mean… it’s not… if you don’t want to tell me, I’ll understand – he quickly reassured, he didn’t want to make things worse.

-No, it’s ok… When I died the first time, I was brought back to life by a mighty force. It breathed a time vortex energy into me and, unintentionally, not only brought me back to life, but brought me back permanently. I’m a fixed point in time. And there is no way to make me normal again… - the hurt in those eyes broke Ianto’s heart. Forever, he’ll have to endure the death, pain and loss forever, no matter he wanted it or not.

-I’m sorry, Jack… - sadness and care in those blue eyes made Jack want to cry for how unfair the life was. Ianto reached for his hand to comfort him, but was very surprised and concerned when Jack winced at the touch and pulled away as if touch physically burned him.

-I’m… s-sorry… I-I… - Jack started to apologise, when he saw wide eyes looking at him with concern.

-No, no! It should be me apologising, I didn’t mean…sorry, I just wanted to offer some comfort… - What happened with Jack during his absence? He was always a tactile person, and for him to react to the touch that way… something very bad should’ve happened.

-I know, I’m sorry, it’s just… - he was silent for a several moments trying to clear his mind from the wave of disturbing memories that washed over him because of the simple touch - I want to tell you, I really do, but… it’s difficult for me, I’m not ready yet…  - he avoided to look at his lover, shame and fear clutching his heart. He didn’t want to burden young man with all the horrors he’d been through… On the other hand, he need Ianto like never before, he craved for his touch, even though he dreaded the thought of someone touching him… He needed his presence and help to fight away the pain and horrors that constantly hunted him.

-I think we can go now, if you are ready to leave? – Ianto offered, seeing the distress on Jack’s face.

-Yes, you’re right, let’s go – Jack smiled gratefully, he didn’t want to have a panic attack in a crowded restaurant. They paid the bill and left, Ianto insisting to drive, not sure about Jack driving in such state. They drove in silence all the way to Ianto’s place. When he parked, he looked at Jack. He was deep in thoughts, but still had a hunted look with the hint of misery in it. Ianto couldn’t leave him alone in such state.

-Would you like to stay tonight? – he asked quietly, not to startle him out of his musings.

-What? I mean… I don’t think I’m good for anything today – he said apologising, feeling ashamed that he wasn’t able to perform tonight… but he wasn’t ready for that. He couldn’t bear to think of being touched and the idea of being intimate with someone made him shiver in terror. Not after what the Master have done with him.

-Oh, no! I didn’t mean that, Jack. – young Welshman reassured him hurriedly - What I meant was, that you don’t have to be alone, Jack. Stay… - he said softly. His hands burned with the desire to touch Jack, to calm him, to wipe those shadows away from those old eyes, but he wouldn’t, not when it could make it only worse. Jack was silent for a long moment, he looked like he was about to cry. That look shattered Ianto’s heart, His Captain, usually so strong, confident and fearless man, now was so vulnerable and broken.  

-If you’re ok with that, I’d love to - he whispered, not sure he would be able to say it louder through the lump in his throat.

-Of course I am. Come on, it was a long day, we need some rest. – Ianto smiled at him, trying his best to hide how worried he was at Jack’s state, both physical and emotional.


	2. I hold you closer to my chest....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's their first date and Ianto wants to know what happened with Jack. The question is, how to cope with what he'd found out?

When they got inside, Ianto sent Jack to make himself comfortable on the sofa, while he went to make some herbal tea. He had no idea what to do, how to take care of Jack without touching him or asking questions he was not yet ready to answer. When he entered the living room, he saw Jack standing at the window, staring out with unfocused eyes, his mind miles away. He looked so tired and stressed and was shivering. Putting mugs on the coffee table, Ianto approached him slowly and called in a quiet, calming voice

-Jack? – startled out of his thoughts by the sound of a voice behind his back, Jack hissed and turned around, pressing his back to the wall and looking at him as if Ianto was going to attack him. Shocked by his reaction, Ianto took a step back and raised his hands in front of him, showing that he was not a threat. – I’m sorry… Jack, please… I won’t hurt you, it’s ok… - the pain and horror in Jack’s eyes made his own tickle with unshed tears. Jack relaxed a bit, but still stayed away from him, looking at him intently. Unable to hold back anymore, Ianto took a deliberately slow step towards him and asked softly, his own pain evident in his voice

-Jack, can I touch you? – he patiently waited, giving Jack as much time as he needed to reply. After a long moment of consideration, Jack nodded and took a hesitant step towards Ianto.

Trying his best not to startle Jack, Ianto moved closer and very slowly raised his hand, making his intentions clear, and giving Jack some time to step away if it was too much for him, and gently caressed his cheek. Jack winced at the contact, but haven’t moved away. He closed his eyes and tried to settle his accelerated heart rate and to concentrate on the warmth and softness of the touch. Ianto cupped his cheek and he nuzzled into the hand, tears gathering under his eyelids at how badly he missed the soft, loving touch. A tear rolled down his face and Ianto brushed it away with a feather light kiss. The reaction that followed scared the hell out of Ianto.

Jack’s knees gave away and he fell on his knees, weeping and shaking hard. Trying to catch him, Ianto ended up on the floor as well. He enveloped his lover into a tight, protective embrace and rocked him gently, allowing his own tears to fall. Jack held everything to himself masterly in front of the team, smiling, joking, flirting as if nothing happened, but alone with Ianto, he could allow himself to lower the guard and let it all out. He needed Ianto so badly, needed his comfort, needed to be held in those strong, protective arms, needed to hear those comforting Welsh vowels, to make the burden he was cursed to bear till the end of time, endurable. They sat like this for a long time before Jack calmed down and lifted his red rimmed, tired, sad eyes to look at Ianto. Without a word, Ianto kissed him tenderly on the lips, comforting him the best he could. They broke apart and Ianto said

-Let’s get you to more comfortable place, shall we? – he caressed Jack’s lips with a thumb and helped him to get up from the floor.

He led Jack to the bedroom and helped him to undress, leaving only his boxers and undershirt on. Then Ianto quickly changed into a pair of PJ bottoms and helped Jack to get under the duvet, joining him. As soon as Ianto laid down, Jack snuggled closer, his upper body fully lying on top of young man, burying his face in the curve between his neck and shoulder. Ianto closed his eyes on the sensation of a breath tickling his skin. He wrapped his arms around Jack, holding him closer.

-I’m sorry for my outburst – Jack’s voice sounded a little muffled as he spoke in his neck.  – It’s just… - he trailed – How long was I gone? – he asked suddenly. Puzzled by the question, Ianto answered

-A little longer than a month…

-Funny thing, time travel. – he mumbled to himself, then, lifting his head and looking at Ianto, added hesitantly – Ianto… I was gone for a little longer than a year… - To say that Ianto was a little more than surprised by that fact, was an understatement.

-What? – was all that Ianto managed to say

-In that time I’ve been to the End of the Universe, well it happened by accident. As I said, I’m a fixed point in time, and TARDIS, being a time machine, reacted badly at my presence. She tried to get rid of me and took us to the End of the Universe. I’m an impossible thing… I’m… wrong. He left me on the Gamestation, because my existence itself made him feel sick…. – he said bitterly. He had no need to specify who ‘he’ was. Ianto felt his anger for the Time Lord strengthen. How could he? Jack gave his life for him! He waited for him for almost 150 years! And all this was for what? For him to say that Jack was wrong and he couldn’t stand his presence?! He tightened his grip around Jack, kissing his shoulder.

-No, you’re not! You’re the most incredible man I’ve ever met! And if he is too arrogant or blind to notice that, then he is not as good as people say about him. And he doesn’t deserve you as a companion – he said firmly. Jack smiled at him gratefully and leaned closer, kissing him chastely. After they broke apart he laid his head on his lover’s shoulder and whispered

-Thank you, Yan… - the nickname, that he hasn’t heard for so long, warmed Ianto’s heart. – I really am sorry for the earlier meltdown, I forgot how it feels to be touched in a good way. For the last year… - he winced – every touch that I felt brought unbearable pain, never ending agony…-  his voice broke and Ianto felt hot tears falling on his shoulder.

-Shhhhhh, it’s ok, you’re home, you’re safe now – his voice shook with tears that threatened to fall at the thought that someone intentionally and constantly hurt his Jack for a whole year.

-T-the Master… h-he made terrible t-things w-with me – each whisper that followed was like a knife, twisting in Ianto’s heart – he chained me in the engine room and killed and tortured me in every way imaginable, ways that he learnt from different worlds and species in hundreds of years. H-he… - the following words were the most difficult and most humiliating thing to confess to the man he cared about so much, ‘but he had a right to know’ Jack thought to himself and, burying his embarrassed face deeper in young men’s shoulder, reluctantly breathed out in a barely audible whisper – he… used my body… to p-please himself… - at those words an involuntary, strangled sob escaped Ianto’s lips as he tightened his grip around his lover

-Ohh, God! My Jack, my poor Jack… - he wanted to kill the bastard that dared to hurt his lover so much and in such a horrible way. They lay silently, holding each other tightly and giving the comfort only each one and no one else could for another. Jack’s breath evened and became deeper as he fell asleep in the loving and protective embrace that he craved for a year, each time when he was dragged painfully back to life through the ocean of razors.

Ianto couldn’t sleep, all the thoughts and terrible guesses of what could happen with the older man rushing through mind, didn’t give him a chance to close his eyes. He just lay there, holding Jack closely, and preparing himself for possible outcome of the horrors that Jack endured, during his absence. On his own experience, he knew that such trauma won’t go without a trace and judging from the fact that Jack had panic attacks during daytime, being in control of his thoughts, the state when he was asleep and his mind was unguarded could mean only one thing. Nightmares. And he was right.

When first glimmerings of the dawn coloured the sky, still awake, Ianto laid on his back, one arm under his head, other around Jack, who shifted in his sleep from top of him, and now was laying at Ianto’s side with his head on his shoulder. Ianto was brought out of his musing by the sound of Jack mumbling something incoherently in his sleep and felling him tensing and his breath quickening. That was it, the nightmares came to hunt his lover and he was ready to sooth and comfort him as best as he could. Mumbling became louder and more frantic, morphing into words

-Stop, no, don’t…. no more…, no, no stop… please make it stop, make it stop… - Jack started to shiver violently, crying out in pain.

-Jack, wake up! He’s gone, he’ll never hurt you again, you’re safe! Jack, please, it’s just a dream… - Ianto shook him carefully, murmuring in a calm voice, even though, inside, he felt nothing but panic and worry. Nothing seemed to work, Jack was deeply asleep, trapped in the nightmare and unable to wake up. Ianto sat beside him, pulling him in sitting position, so that they were facing each other, and pulled him into a tight hug, rocking him in a calming manner and whispering words of comfort and love into his ear in mix of English and Welsh. Still asleep, Jack started to calm down and relaxed in his arms. Feeling that the nightmare released Jack from its deathly grip, Ianto carefully laid him down on the pillow and lay next to him, cuddling Jack closely to his chest. He still had 2 hours before he’ll need to get up and prepare for work, so, slowly he fell asleep.

They both woke up at the sound of alarm clock. Ianto tried to get up, but Jack whined in protest.

-Don’t go, it’s so warm and comfortable when you’re here

-Hey, sleepy head – Ianto smiled at him and kissed the top of his head - how are you? – the concern was evident in his voice

-I’m ok, thanks to you – came a quiet reply. – I haven’t slept so well and comfortable for more than a year, to be more accurate, I would say since the night that we slept together for the last time, before my trip… And I don’t want to get up yet for at least ten more minutes. – at those words, Jack tightened his hold on him, nestling his head on young men’s chest.

-Who am I to deprive you from comfort – young Welshman chuckled and they lay there, savouring last minutes of comfort before facing another day with Torchwood.


End file.
